How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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