Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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