Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Holy shit dude........stairs
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
