Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
