At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
being pregnant is like rehab
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
