I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think a kid would responsible me up
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
