I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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