Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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