wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
