On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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