for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
What a dumb baby whore.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
