so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
