the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
honey bunches of taint.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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