suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
