Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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