mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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