why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
