Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
