Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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