if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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