my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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