i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
