He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
