is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
