I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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