Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize