So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
