I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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