yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
