I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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