You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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