I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
