Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
