The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
