batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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