I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
