I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She's the barista slut.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
