Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
3pm strippers are depressing
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
