FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
