i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
