I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
