Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
