We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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