I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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