i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I am available for nakedness
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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