Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
