my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
There are leaves in my underwear?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
