so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He kissed a someone with a penis
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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