I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
