Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I want to be your penis for a week.
I fill condoms, not promises.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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