I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
