He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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