Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it was like eating out sand paper
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
