Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize