I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
