whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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