the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
