i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
