I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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