Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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