did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
