he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
