It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
