Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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