Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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