And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
