I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
